Moms are weird.

During Yui’s first days at the daycare, my heart weeps as I see Yui bawl with my goings and comings. Her Dad and I worried as her teacher wrote in Yui’s renraku note (the notebook wherein Yui’s teacher writes about Yui’s daily activities & condition & sleeping time and where I put the same for how Yui was at night and in the morning) that Yui didn’t eat much, cried a lot and didn’t sleep much as well. I worry.

And then yesterday, Yui’s teacher said that as usual when I left, Yui cried. But when she showed up (I left Yui to another teacher), Yui smiled at her and actually smiled many times that day. My heart twitches because Yui is now bonding up with one of her caretakers. But of course proud as well because as Hubs puts it, Yui’s friendly character is finally showing through.

And then today when I left my daughter in the daycare, she didn’t cry anymore. She doesn’t look particularly happy, in fact she looks sad. But she wasn’t crying, which is a big improvement. Probably there’ll come a time when the sight of her teachers would elicit a smile on her face. And I think any mother would understand the warring emotions I felt earlier/would feel in the future (for the smiling part) – the heartbreak that your child is becoming more independent from you and the happiness & pride because of her independence.

I chanced upon one of our Japanese wedding Ninong (godfather) earlier in the office elevator hall and told him of the different emotions with Yui’s independence. And with a laugh, he summarised: “if case A, you worry. If it’s case B and the opposite of case A, you still worry. Yes, yes. That’s how mothers are”.

And how right he is indeed.

Yet, there’s the glowing pride in seeing your child is coping well.

Grow well, anak.