I was trying to finish off a task before leaving the office for the weekend when a senior colleague dropped by to ask me how I was. I have so many conflicting issues nowadays that I shook my head to say, no, not really fine. Then he asked how my daughter was. I snapped. But I know he is such a kind person so I had that very difficult feeling of trying to explain why I find it discriminating (he’s also a father, why is he still in the office?!?) while saying sorry.

I felt guilty for snapping at him when I know he had good intentions but I also am annoyed at him because now I also feel guilty with Yui.

And so this evening, while tucking Yui in the bed, I sat down by her bedside and looked at her in the eye:

Me: is it ok with you that I work late?

Yui: Yes!! I understand (with much enthusiasm)

I hugged her and said thank you and that I love her so much.

Yui: I understand Mommy have to take care of kodomo (children), work, cooking. Doing laundry, cleaning……

With how she arranged it, I am confident she knows she’s my top priority.