Tag Archives: mommyhood

Moms are weird

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Moms are weird.

During Yui’s first days at the daycare, my heart weeps as I see Yui bawl with my goings and comings. Her Dad and I worried as her teacher wrote in Yui’s renraku note (the notebook wherein Yui’s teacher writes about Yui’s daily activities & condition & sleeping time and where I put the same for how Yui was at night and in the morning) that Yui didn’t eat much, cried a lot and didn’t sleep much as well. I worry.

And then yesterday, Yui’s teacher said that as usual when I left, Yui cried. But when she showed up (I left Yui to another teacher), Yui smiled at her and actually smiled many times that day. My heart twitches because Yui is now bonding up with one of her caretakers. But of course proud as well because as Hubs puts it, Yui’s friendly character is finally showing through.

And then today when I left my daughter in the daycare, she didn’t cry anymore. She doesn’t look particularly happy, in fact she looks sad. But she wasn’t crying, which is a big improvement. Probably there’ll come a time when the sight of her teachers would elicit a smile on her face. And I think any mother would understand the warring emotions I felt earlier/would feel in the future (for the smiling part) – the heartbreak that your child is becoming more independent from you and the happiness & pride because of her independence.

I chanced upon one of our Japanese wedding Ninong (godfather) earlier in the office elevator hall and told him of the different emotions with Yui’s independence. And with a laugh, he summarised: “if case A, you worry. If it’s case B and the opposite of case A, you still worry. Yes, yes. That’s how mothers are”.

And how right he is indeed.

Yet, there’s the glowing pride in seeing your child is coping well.

Grow well, anak.

baby diaries: independent, a little more each day

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Aside from singing to you, Mom’s other favourite, Baby, when putting you to sleep is that you hold Mom’s fingers tight with your chubby little fists – be it when you sleep in my arms or on your crib by Mom’s bedside.

Mom noticed something from the other day though. When I hold you in my arms for you to sleep, your hand looks for a blanket or cloth to hold on to. And when you go to sleep lying in your crib, you just simply touch Mommy’s hand, preferring to put your small hand on top of mine rather than holding a finger.

Mommy was making a mental note to include in the daycare questionnaire how you prefer to hold Mommy’s hand while sleeping, so that your nurse can do it for you while Mom is away. It seems there’s no need for me to inform now.

My heart twitches, a bit heartbroken you’re starting to be independent. But Mom and Dad are proud too how our little Moirraine is growing a little more independent each day.

Love you baby. Grow well.

baby diaries: nostalgia

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Was washing a couple of days ago the small bottle you used when you were less than two months. Will be using it for your water after meals (of course with new nipple and cap). I’m amazed how small it was. And with it came the nostalgia. So many things have happened since then; how much you’ve grown since then albeit it’s been only six months!

Would probably feel the nostalgia from from now on, every now and then. But Mommy hopes that as you grow up, you’d share the nostalgia with me, with Mommy and Daddy. That we’d both happily look back the yesteryears, over wine, over a cup of tea or coffee or even simply on our couch in our future (hopefully) sunroom.

I pray you’d grow close to your parents, Yui; have a great bond with your Mom and Dad. And that there’ll never be angry words between us. Only love, respect, kindness and joy.

Grow well our beauty.

baby diaries: Happy half birthday baby

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Six months flew by so fast, anak. Seemed like it was only yesterday when I kissed your red lips for the first time in the operating room, right after the doctors took you out of Mommy’s tummy. Well, Mom would probably say that “seemed like only yesterday” a number of times from now.

But really, you grow so fast. Your Dad and I marvelled the week your hair finally grew back when the week before that you were still bald. You grow up so fast and of course your Mom and Dad are happy and relieved.

Today, we had your half birthday photoshoot. Dad and Mom are so proud and happy to see you laughing a lot with the photo shop crew. Just three months ago, it was to only me and your Dad that you laughed with. Your horizons are expanding.

And soon, it’ll expand even more. Soon, you’ll be going to daycare. Someone else other than Mom and Dad would be taking care of you. It gives my heart a twinge baby, a little sad even, knowing you’d probably establish a bond with your new caregiver, knowing she’ll witness some of your firsts. But your going to daycare is for your own good as well as for Mom’s own good.

You’ll get to learn early on about your Japanese heritage that has a culture so rich and varied which Mom wishes you will uphold and continue for your children and children’s children. If you would be with Mom at home, you would be missing a lot. That and more other reasons besides. Expand your horizons baby.

Mommy needs to take some time for herself too. And pursue her dreams while taking care of you and Daddy. So that Mom can be a better Mom. There’s this line in MomME Circle, a website celebrating purposeful moms, that sums up why Mom has to go back to work and what Mom yearns to teach you.

She works towards living a brilliant, thriving life because she wants to set a good example for her kids. She knows they are watching and this is what she wants them to learn: to believe in themselves, to know that dreams can come true, and to live purposeful, inspiring lives.

Your Dad is making a lot of effort as well, by the day, in becoming a better dad. Earlier at the Church, Dad, who was then carrying you was swaying and making some small dance steps so that you’d continue in your slumber. Yes there were lots of people around and behind him yet Dad didn’t mind them. This from your Dad who’s shy.

Mom and Dad are not perfect honey. Imperfect though we are, we love you so much and would do our best to give you everything that’s best for you.

Grow well Yui. And may you grow up with a kind heart and a confident spirit. That and many other well wishes besides.

Love,
Mom and Dad

Happy half Birthday!

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Yui’s first word?

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Yui usually is sunny the moment she wakes up, brandishing a smile the moment she has an eye contact with either me or her dad. But there are times, she’s also cranky. And so on those times, we hurry to her side, cradle her and calm her down.

This afternoon, she had that cranky bout. I rushed to her and carried her in my arms to soothe her back to sleep. The moment she was in my arms, she started to calm down but was still crying and was babbling.

Agoo. Yah. Uha. Gugu. MA. Yayay. Ah. Oh. Uha. MA. Aga. Uwa. Yoyo. Wa. Ya.

Ma. She said Ma. She said Ma!!! Yey! 🙂

a messy bath

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Ever since Yui turned 2 months, when she was already too heavy for me to singlehandedly hold her in her baby tub yet still too small for those bath chairs, we had her have a bath with her Dad. We have a system going. Daddy takes a shower, goes into the tub and holds Yui while Mommy soaps and rinses the baby. Because of the cold months, we dress Yui’s first layer in the bathroom before I whisk her off to the bedroom to continue dressing Yui up. We had this system going smoothly since then.

Now, one thing I’m really happy and proud of is that Yui poops almost like clockwork. And because I know the very day she will poop, I just watch out for her soon-to-poop facial expression. The moment I see it, I put her down, ease her out from her diaper, raise her legs and then she does her thing. Not messy at all. She sometimes even “sing” while she does her thing. The only time before that she had a messy episode was when we were about to go out to see her paediatrician. Suffice it to say we were late for that appointment.

Today was supposedly Yui’s poop day but we were out for most of the day so she didn’t have her moment. Bath time came and we were happily cooing to Yui about the day’s happenings.

And then she stretched her lips; that about-to-poop expression.

Our eyes got big as we thought of the possibility. And in that split second that we hesitated and was about to coax Yui to wait, she let out what she had been holding on for the whole day.

Hubs gave me Yui and got out the tub like he has been scalded. Problem was that we were in the midst of soaping Yui. Oh the chaos and panic that ensued thereafter. And the cleaning up that had to be done after. Thankfully Yui slept right after we dressed her up so we had the time to clean.

The excitement and cleaning after certainly made us very tired later on. But we also had a good laugh after everything got settled and got cleaned.

Life with a growing baby. It gets exciting by the day! 😀