Life with a toddler: sorting out the emotions

Monday morning. 

We were walking to daycare when we came across a dead bird by the side of the road. 
My heart was really gripped with the plight of the bird; I pointed it out to Yui. 
Mommy: Look Yui, the bird is dead. Kawaiso bird ne (poor bird).
Yui: Sad. Bird dead. 
And indeed, she hung her head for a minute or so while walking.

Monday evening. 

I was racking my memory, making sure if we did not, by happenstance, touch the bird’s peripheris at all; wanted to make sure we didn’t come into contact of any possible pathogen. 

Tuesday evening.

While in bed, before sleep. 

Yui: Sad. 
Mommy: Why are you sad, Anak? Do you miss Daddy? Mommy miss Daddy too. But don’t worry, he’ll be back soon. 

Yui nodded her head and said “Mmm” in answer to my second question. To answer my first question, she said:

Yui: Sad, bird dead. 
And she closed her eyes tightly, me holding her, whilst she drifted off to sleep.

It’s been two days yet it lingered with her. 

I just might be called in at the Daycare Principal’s office soon

Towards the 3rd quarter of Yui’s first year at daycare, when Yui’s class has all turned one year, I’ve been enjoying wide hugs. Wide hugs since my hug doesn’t only include Yui but that my arms would be around 3 or more kids at a time. Sometimes, a kid would even hug me tightly from the back – a gesture that I find immensely healing, especially after a very stressful day at work. Sasa, Yui’s bestfriend would sometimes even attempt to kiss me. I’m friends with her Mom but I think the kissing is too much crossing their border so I try to mask the “rejection” by hugging Sasa real tight. It is such a delight to see Yui crawling like crazy (when she was a baby) and then later running towards me (when she got older) whenever I come to pick her up. But I always feel that I get some lottery jackpot prize whenever Yui’s friends also run towards me for the daily hug. Some teachers had even commented that I am very popular with the kids, just like how Yui is popular with her schoolmates.

Yesterday, we were late than usual. Hence, the teachers were already preparing for morning snacks yet I was still organizing Yui’s stuff and have not yet put the cover sheets on Yui’s futon. While I was on my way out, the kids, who already washed their hands and were all seated, clamoured for me to give ALL of them a high five before leaving. The (strong) request first came from Sasa, then the kid in front of her also strongly said “touch!”. And so it went down to the last kid. As I gave high fives from one kid to another, I stole glances to the teachers who were “busy” preparing. I take it as a sign – that they don’t actually condone it but that they also don’t encourage it. I kept on giving the high fives though; I could just not let down the kids. Fortunately I’m the cleanliness OC type so my hand is sanitized with alcohol before I gave the high fives.

That afternoon, I came to pick up Yui at 6. Such a joy to see her running excitedly towards me, almost knocking me off with the force of her hug once she’s in my arms. While hugging, I saw Sasa excitedly running towards us too. So I made room for her. This time, no other kids joined in so I could hug both Yui and Sasa tightly. It’s a marvel too how strong the hugs of these two girl toddlers are. While preparing to leave, Sasa was calling to me “Mama, Mama!”. This wasn’t the first time; she even called me Mama in front of her own mother to which her Mom just laughed. But to have Sasa call me “Mama” in the daycare, with the teachers not knowing that I’m friends with Sasa’s Mom, I was a bit cautious. I was talking to Yui’s head teacher so for a while I tried not to listen to Sasa. But when her Mama cry became really loud, I finally addressed her, stooped to her with a smile on my face, my hand cradling one of her cheeks as I inquired “Yes?”. She then asked “Papa doko?” (Where is Papa). A little backgrounder – every morning, Sasa always asks where Yui’s Papa is since it is Sasa’s dad who drops her in daycare in that she must be wondering why it’s always only me dropping Yui off. And because Sasa asked me, and that she addressed me as Mama, my reply was same as what I reply to Yui nowadays: that Papa is on an overseas business trip.

The daycare teacher who was with us during the exchange had a thoughtful, solemn expression. She probably was torn on how to react with Sasa calling me as Mama. With Yui’s daycare being Montessori and child-centered, I’m still not sure how they’ll perceive my closeness to the kids. I just might expect to be called in soon at the Principal’s office though.

a bouquet for Mommy

Hubs and our toddler went out for a walk in Hubs’ childhood neighbourhood. They came back showing me videos and photos of their walk, showing how passionate Yui became (or more like how she went amok) when she saw a statue of a horse. 

Apart from the stories though, they brought home a priceless treasure too. With Yui in Hubs’ arms, she handed me this teeny weeny bouquet of wild flowers which she and her Dad picked up and which Dad bundled to make a bouquet. 

Priceless. 

Thank you A and Anak. But above all, I thank God for sending you both to me. 

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