Category Archives: life

Dance Like No One is Watching

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Indeed it was that kind of night.

I started dancing in my head as I listened to Adam Lambert’s and The Queen’s “Don’t Stop Me Now”. I even have this smile on my face and I’m pretty sure the girl sitting in front of me on the train was laughing at me. I don’t care. I don’t think she’s watching.

And then when I got home, my super random Spotify liked songs playlist supported me with my mood.

Gangnam Style, My Life, For Once in My Life, Tell Him, Express Yourself (all from Glee).

Feels. So. Good.

Hmmm, I just might enrol on a dance class now, instead of my current Solfege/piano…..

Thank you, Hiiobachan

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I thought of planning to fly over first week in January to come see you. But covid happened and now we won’t see you ever.

One thing though. On 19th, when I was having my worst coughing fit, I thought I was going to die. Or a nerve on my heart or brain would burst. But thankfully I didn’t.

I later learned though that it was around those days that you started turning for the worse.

I’d like to think that you saved the day yet again. Took it in instead of me.

Thank you for everything. For the kindness. And understanding. And reminding me to take care of myself. I know you are now with the love of your life, smiling that beautiful smile of yours.

Life with a grade schooler: Confessions!

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A couple months ago, Yui told me she has a crush on one of her teachers in her after school school.

Last week, she told me she confessed and expressed her feelings to the guy, 12 years her senior and twice as tall. I wanted to ask details about how she said it, what was the setting, (and most importantly) what he said. She just wouldn’t share she eventually got angry because I kept on badgering her.

And then this evening, she suddenly blurted out, without preamble: he told me to say again what I said ten years after (in Japanese).

I was at first confused on what she meant. Then it dawned on me. Ahhhhh!!! I’m happy for my baby though.

My baby. Now a lady with crushes.

On Wars and Butterfly kisses

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Last night.

“Mommy, has Putin stopped his attack on Ukraine yet?”

“Sad to say, Baby, not yet. Not yet.”

You kept on a thoughtful face.

After lunch.

(Today was school holiday and I decided to take a day off). We were walking back home after lunch at the village cafe, you on your roller skater. Then you spotted a butterfly in the middle of the walkway that’s struggling to fly. The poor butterfly though would most likely struggle to fly for the rest of its life. Its wings have an uneven size, the other much smaller than the other. The windy day (today’s quite pleasant actually) added to its struggles. You were trying to pick it up, me shrieking (I NEVER liked insects). You explained that you had to remove it off the path of someone else, lest someone who doesn’t like insects might kill it, or someone in a hurry might accidentally trod on it and kill it. You gently brought it to a leafy shade and it was soon obvious to see the butterfly looked less distressed and was not trying to flap its wings anymore. You didn’t stop there though. You picked off a couple of wallflowers and laid it in front of the butterfly, giving it food.

Back at home, you waited while I worked on my laptop and tried to answer a colleague’s query from three projects back who needed help. You also told me how you envision my position will be six years from now. My, my. I have to work veeeery hard to meet your expectations!

You then requested me to sing “Country Road”. I wrapped up work, and dutifully sang in front of you. After my rendition, you said thank you, saying it was the first time you felt so relaxed listening to a song. My number 1 fan. 🥰

Downtime Reflections

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Took a week off in between projects. From my first month in my last project, I’ve been clamouring to be demobilised. Had to talk to management too to correct some injustices. I finally settled down on Month 4 and accepted my fate and resolved to flourish and do my best at the current project. On Month 5, another project wanted to get me. But the “wardens” of the project I was involved in wouldn’t let me go. Then on month 15, another project asked for me as well. But “wardens” were determined to keep me, despite my workload already in trickles. They couldn’t let me go because the other units are still fully loaded even when I’m not. Why the huge disparity on unit status I cannot explain.

The wardens finally let me go on Month 20. Only, the two projects who asked for me can’t have me now because they had no choice but to already have somebody else in. World events also altercated plans for the project I was supposed to be in. So I was in an ironic situation wherein before, projects were strongly fighting for me but now I’m left with no projects. Of course the Management heard A LOT of complaints from me. There should be better management. Hopefully they’ll improve soon. But for the mean time, I have to be with a project wherein they have to specially carve a place for me because it was not planned in the first place (world events. But my situation is nothing compared to what’s happening with Ukraine). And while I’m on vacation, I also need to summon yet again my inner drive to perform in this project despite not meeting my ideals (I really so so sooo wanted to be in those two projects that wanted to get me).

But something to be happy with:

(1) When you see the terms and methods you’ve been using for years at work is finally being used by others too. Kilig. Super. Influence one person at a time. And see the ripple effect. ❤️

(2) It is kilig too whenever teammates (different nationalities) say they’ll always follow you as their lead anytime. Especially when those certain colleagues have been evaluated by other leads as exceptional engineers. 🥰😍

(3) When colleagues from other departments would say you’re one of the very few people in your department’s team whom they have absolute respect. (Although on hindsight this is not good for my department. I need to work on this next time!).

As I have my downtime this week while I transition from one project to another, I need to reflect though on how I can improve on 2 things: my temper. And how to avoid miscommunication when working remotely. I always tend to argue with a teammate when on remote.

Improvements. Improvements.

Something

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There are days when I leave the office and I’m left with a nagging feeling like something is off. Something that I can’t really quite pinpoint what and why it is triggered.

The whole evening at home, the feeling pervaded. It got even more bothersome, actually.

And then, as I was getting ready to sleep, I remembered a friend’s advice way back when, on a similar occasion.

Have you tried praying for it?

And yes, definitely will.