Half of this union is new to the wedding culture that we have here in the Philippines. Even I still have a lot yet to learn. Slowly but surely though, Hubbie is getting a grip on how weddings are here and in turn, orienting our Japanese entourage as well.
I found this article from the bridalbook helpful; simple yet straight to the point.
http://www.bridalbook.ph/articles/the-entourage-and-their-roles
It was only this evening, on a talk with Hubbie, did I realize three glaring differences between the wedding etiquettes in Japan and here in Philippines. One particular etiquette may be SOP in one country but could be perceived as presumptuous on the other country.
Here goes what, in no particular order of gravity.
1. cash gifts
In Japan, it’s automatic that when one gets invited to the wedding, he/she would be setting aside some money for their cash gift. A previous Japanese seatmate at work mentioned before that usually, minimum amount for the gift is 30,000yen. “Why so expensive?!”, I exclaimed. He says 10,000yen is deemed too small and 20,000yen or any even digit number is considered bad luck. So the cheapest sensible amount is 30,000yen. 40,000 is considered bad luck also so the next reasonable amount is 50,000yen, then 70,000yen, so on and so forth. I had another Japanese friend who cannot attend his friend’s wedding hence he bought flowers for the newlywed but still, prepared his cash gift. Buying a bedsheet or a rice cooker for the couple wasn’t considered at all.
In Philippines, it’s been a custom to set aside some of our time to shop some house items for the couple as our gift. And hence those who didn’t opt for the bridal registry would then find themselves showered with 3 rice cookers, 4 flat irons, plates, pans, glasswares, und so weiter. Although it’s still considered a delicate matter, the Philippine wedding setting has already been somewhat mimicking lately the culture on cash gifts. However, because of the ingrained attitude we Filipinos have to go and shop for house items for the newly-weds, couples are opting to include in their invites their preference for cash gifts. I must tell you though: finding the nice and appropriate way of including this request in our invite is VERY difficult since some guests may perceive this as very presumptuous indeed. But I had to include this request on our invites owing primarily to the fact that our wedding is here in Philippines yet we will be settling down in Japan. To have the material gifts we received here be shipped to Japan would probably cost much more that their actual cost. So I hope, I hope all our guests would understand this.
2. Attire
In Japan, it’s automatic, everyone would come to the wedding attired in their formal wear. They need not be informed beforehand. I have one concern though: they consider black suits as a formal wear. But I don’t want anything black on our wedding. Hence we may have to specifically state on our invites that we’re requesting for no black suits. Barong tagalog is requested especially for male guests who will be part of the wedding entourage.
In Philippines, your invites have to be specific. You need to specify if attire is strictly formal or if casual wear is acceptable.
3. An adult affair
In Japan, again, it’s understood that parents will not be bringing their small babies to the wedding event.
In Philippines, you have to really specify that it is an adult affair and that the couple has to politely request parents not to bring their infants to the wedding. Of course, the kids who are part of the entourage are still coming with us to the reception; they’re old enough anyway. I’m talking of infants. This one is particularly difficult on me now. And I can only hope we can settle this matter without feelings getting hurt.
When I went to Kyoto and then later to Osaka with my friends, we mulled on donning on kimonos and walk around the old town wearing our kimonos and of course take lots of pictures of us in kimonos. But what stopped us from renting is that these kimonos-for-rent comes with an exorbitant price, some at 50,000yen for a couple hours or so. Hence, in the last 9 years that I came and went in Japan, I never really had the chance to wear a kimono.
But it was a good thing I didn’t take on the chances I had previously. Because a chance presented itself to me when I visited Hubbie’s hometown, and this time, my “first time” was made even more special – i’d be wearing Okasan’s kimono, which she wore when she was almost about my age. Heirloom, ne? hehe.
me in curlers
me trying to fit my feet into the dainty Japanese slippers
"let's try it out shall we?"
tada!
The dressing up is actually for our family portrait. Will post the official pictures once they’re out.
Anyways, I’m thankful to Otosan for having captured this tender moment that passed between me and Hubbie.
yiihii ^_^. Admit it again Hubbie, you were so in love with me that day, ne? =D
And of course, I am very thankful to Otosan, Okasan, Obachan, Ojichan and Mayumi for making my stay in Takamatsu a wonderful one. Of course, it goes to say I’m truly thankful to Hubbie as well. =)
Called both Lipa Chancery and Xavier Parish this morning and finally steps have been nailed down.
What the Lipa Chancery needs is for us to submit copies of the following:
Since I’m now in Manila, they agreed that I can send the copies to them via LBC. They will then assess our papers and if cleared, and granting availability of the priest, they will schedule us for an interview on January 4 (to be confirmed) . Depending on the interview results, they will issue a clearance certificate to Xavier Parish, informing the Parish of the “go signal” for us to marry.
At the same time, I will also send copies of the following to Xavier Parish via LBC:
If in case I still don’t have with me Items 4 and 5, no problem with them, says Sally. They will then issue the request for the publication of the wedding banns which I will publish in my hometown in Davao.
Xavier Parish will adjust our Canonical interview schedule depending on our interview schedule with Lipa Chancery, granting availability of Parish Priest. So if our schedule with Lipa Chancery is morning of January 4, they can schedule us on the afternoon of January 4 (to be confirmed).
So happy!
At the time of publication, the following are the helpful contact details of both Lipa Chancery and Xavier Parish:
Lipa Chancery: 6343.7562572; 63917.3545163; Archdiocesan Chancery, Archdiocese of Lipa, Cathedral Site, Lipa City, Batangas; Contact: Ivy P. Vilela
Xavier Parish: 6343.4160564; St. Francis Xavier Parish JP Laurel St. Nasugbu, Batangas 4231; Contact: Sally Dastas
NB: Please read as well updated Church Requirements post here.
Getting married in the Church here in the Philippines certainly just doesn’t only involve getting a priest to bless your marriage – although I think it would mean more meaningful that way. It doesn’t only involve gathering around and saying our prayers and asking (and receiving) the blessing. How I so wish it’s as easy as that! But no, there are a lot of bureaucracies involved and we have to comply with it all so that we will be allowed to get married in the Church.
Normally, for couples who are both Filipinos and are both Catholics and haven’t been married yet, below are the documents you need to submit to the Church and the process you need to go through:
Once you have Items 1 ~ 7, submit the documents to the Chancery (in our case Lipa Chancery). Lipa Chancery will then issue us a letter of endorsement for Xavier Parish (parish incharge of Caleruega). Xavier Parish will then issue the letter for the request of the publication of wedding banns. The wedding banns need to be published in the couple’s hometown or place of current residence for 3 consecutive Sundays.
Once done with Items 8 and 9, a copy of the signed publication of the wedding banns and the certificate of attendance in the pre-cana seminar has to be presented to the church you’re marrying in to have a schedule for the Canonical interview which shall be conducted by the parish priest of the Church you are marrying in. For our case, Xavier Parish (in behalf of Caleruega) will only schedule us for canonical interview after we’ve had the pre-cana seminar.
It doesn’t end with the Canonical Interview. After the Canonical interview, the (1) signed publication of Wedding banns, (2) certificate of attendance in pre-cana seminar and (3) result ot canonical interview has to be submitted to the Chancery Office. Depending on results of the Canonical interview, the Chancery may schedule the couple for an interview with the Canon Lawyer.
Once done with the Chancery, the couple has to wait for a 3-day processing period before the couple can receive the signed Clearance from the Chancery Office together with all the original documents submitted (NB: couple must make sure to secure photocopies of all the original documents you submitted just in case such documents might be asked for by other entities). Once all documents has been received from the Chancery, the couple must then submit all the documents to the Church the couple is marrying in. Done.
BUT oh! Didn’t I say above process is only for couples who are both Filipinos and are both Catholics and haven’t been married yet? Yes, even when you’re civilly married, it still doesn’t save you from needing to submit the documents required by the Church. More so, it still doesn’t save you from needing to undergo seminars. Hence the only requirement we need not submit in above list is Item 1.
Our case is a little extra special. We have been civilly married already and my groom is a non-practicing Christian and of a different nationality with Nihongo as a national language (to which it follows that all documents issued by his government is in Nihongo). Hence as expected, we have to submit ADDITIONAL requirements on top of those listed above.
Depending on Fr. Nishimoto’s replacement, there may be additional requirements on top of above 5 requirements.
Quite a tall order eh? In any case, as it is said, when you’ve worked really hard to get something, then that something will be of more value to you once you have it. Getting past the obstacle will make a sweet victory. Gambatte to us Hubbie! =)
————
2 hours after:
Thanks to Erika, my question on why our processing is more complicated than usual was answered. To quote her:
The Clearance at the Chancery Office is only required for couples where one of the marrying party is either of the following:
1. Non-Filipino citizens
2. Filipino citizens who have lived abroad for more than 6 years
3. Non-catholic individuals
4. Individuals who were previously married and whose marriage was dissolved
Otherwise, if you are both single, Filipino and Catholic, there is no need to seek clearance at the Chancery Office. All requirements will be processed by the parish where the marriage will take place – or in your case, the parish who handles the Chapel.
Thanks Erika! =)