Category Archives: life

Just Show Up

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I’m reminded today of how important this is.

Last night our project lead commented harshly on my Team’s output. I was so bothered with it and the feeling of being incompetent and impostor pervaded within me the whole night and the following morning. Curiously and thankfully I could sleep well. My thoughts and feelings were so grey the following morning that the only thing that made me wanting to go to office was because I committed to prepare a document that needs to be turned in by 10:30am (btw bus schedule and all, I arrived at the office at 10am; I turned it in at 10:28am and was returned without comments, ready to be issued.

And as today wore on, things unfolded in a way that validated my reasoning last night. I was right after all.

My decisions were right after all.

If I hadn’t showed up today, if I called and feigned sickness, I wouldn’t have known that.

Just show up.

I’m glad I just showed up today.

Life with a grade schooler: “From now on”

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We started our juku journey technically from September 2023 when we started to try enter Sapix by taking their entrance exams.

We tried twice. Unfortunately we couldn’t pass, as we absolutely did not do any kind of studying whatsoever. In fact, you couldn’t even have more than 3 correct answers for all four subjects (National Language/Math/Science/Social Studies).

Despite the failure, this was a positive experience for us though. As I got to learn your mindset. When I asked you how was the exam, your consistent answer was: I haven’t learned it yet.

Wow.

There could be kids/ people who’d say: I can’t do it. I’m not good enough.

But thankfully you didn’t say that. Your reply was instead one with a growth mindset. Thank you my dear Yui.

And then last 7/7, we took our first mock exam. We had to do it so that juku can prep you further depending on your results. And then come summer end, we take another mock test again.

When I asked you how you fared compared to Sapix exams, you said, I think I improved by 30%.

To which I exclaimed “what?! After six months only 30%?!”.

Your calm reply: Mommy what are you talking about?! That just means that from now on I will exponentially improve!

And so with that I got speechless.

Thank you my dear baby. God bless you.

Dance Like No One is Watching

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Indeed it was that kind of night.

I started dancing in my head as I listened to Adam Lambert’s and The Queen’s “Don’t Stop Me Now”. I even have this smile on my face and I’m pretty sure the girl sitting in front of me on the train was laughing at me. I don’t care. I don’t think she’s watching.

And then when I got home, my super random Spotify liked songs playlist supported me with my mood.

Gangnam Style, My Life, For Once in My Life, Tell Him, Express Yourself (all from Glee).

Feels. So. Good.

Hmmm, I just might enrol on a dance class now, instead of my current Solfege/piano…..

Thank you, Hiiobachan

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I thought of planning to fly over first week in January to come see you. But covid happened and now we won’t see you ever.

One thing though. On 19th, when I was having my worst coughing fit, I thought I was going to die. Or a nerve on my heart or brain would burst. But thankfully I didn’t.

I later learned though that it was around those days that you started turning for the worse.

I’d like to think that you saved the day yet again. Took it in instead of me.

Thank you for everything. For the kindness. And understanding. And reminding me to take care of myself. I know you are now with the love of your life, smiling that beautiful smile of yours.

Life with a grade schooler: Confessions!

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A couple months ago, Yui told me she has a crush on one of her teachers in her after school school.

Last week, she told me she confessed and expressed her feelings to the guy, 12 years her senior and twice as tall. I wanted to ask details about how she said it, what was the setting, (and most importantly) what he said. She just wouldn’t share she eventually got angry because I kept on badgering her.

And then this evening, she suddenly blurted out, without preamble: he told me to say again what I said ten years after (in Japanese).

I was at first confused on what she meant. Then it dawned on me. Ahhhhh!!! I’m happy for my baby though.

My baby. Now a lady with crushes.

On Wars and Butterfly kisses

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Last night.

“Mommy, has Putin stopped his attack on Ukraine yet?”

“Sad to say, Baby, not yet. Not yet.”

You kept on a thoughtful face.

After lunch.

(Today was school holiday and I decided to take a day off). We were walking back home after lunch at the village cafe, you on your roller skater. Then you spotted a butterfly in the middle of the walkway that’s struggling to fly. The poor butterfly though would most likely struggle to fly for the rest of its life. Its wings have an uneven size, the other much smaller than the other. The windy day (today’s quite pleasant actually) added to its struggles. You were trying to pick it up, me shrieking (I NEVER liked insects). You explained that you had to remove it off the path of someone else, lest someone who doesn’t like insects might kill it, or someone in a hurry might accidentally trod on it and kill it. You gently brought it to a leafy shade and it was soon obvious to see the butterfly looked less distressed and was not trying to flap its wings anymore. You didn’t stop there though. You picked off a couple of wallflowers and laid it in front of the butterfly, giving it food.

Back at home, you waited while I worked on my laptop and tried to answer a colleague’s query from three projects back who needed help. You also told me how you envision my position will be six years from now. My, my. I have to work veeeery hard to meet your expectations!

You then requested me to sing “Country Road”. I wrapped up work, and dutifully sang in front of you. After my rendition, you said thank you, saying it was the first time you felt so relaxed listening to a song. My number 1 fan. 🥰