Downtime Reflections

Took a week off in between projects. From my first month in my last project, I’ve been clamouring to be demobilised. Had to talk to management too to correct some injustices. I finally settled down on Month 4 and accepted my fate and resolved to flourish and do my best at the current project. On Month 5, another project wanted to get me. But the “wardens” of the project I was involved in wouldn’t let me go. Then on month 15, another project asked for me as well. But “wardens” were determined to keep me, despite my workload already in trickles. They couldn’t let me go because the other units are still fully loaded even when I’m not. Why the huge disparity on unit status I cannot explain.

The wardens finally let me go on Month 20. Only, the two projects who asked for me can’t have me now because they had no choice but to already have somebody else in. World events also altercated plans for the project I was supposed to be in. So I was in an ironic situation wherein before, projects were strongly fighting for me but now I’m left with no projects. Of course the Management heard A LOT of complaints from me. There should be better management. Hopefully they’ll improve soon. But for the mean time, I have to be with a project wherein they have to specially carve a place for me because it was not planned in the first place (world events. But my situation is nothing compared to what’s happening with Ukraine). And while I’m on vacation, I also need to summon yet again my inner drive to perform in this project despite not meeting my ideals (I really so so sooo wanted to be in those two projects that wanted to get me).

But something to be happy with:

(1) When you see the terms and methods you’ve been using for years at work is finally being used by others too. Kilig. Super. Influence one person at a time. And see the ripple effect. ❤️

(2) It is kilig too whenever teammates (different nationalities) say they’ll always follow you as their lead anytime. Especially when those certain colleagues have been evaluated by other leads as exceptional engineers. 🥰😍

(3) When colleagues from other departments would say you’re one of the very few people in your department’s team whom they have absolute respect. (Although on hindsight this is not good for my department. I need to work on this next time!).

As I have my downtime this week while I transition from one project to another, I need to reflect though on how I can improve on 2 things: my temper. And how to avoid miscommunication when working remotely. I always tend to argue with a teammate when on remote.

Improvements. Improvements.

Something

There are days when I leave the office and I’m left with a nagging feeling like something is off. Something that I can’t really quite pinpoint what and why it is triggered.

The whole evening at home, the feeling pervaded. It got even more bothersome, actually.

And then, as I was getting ready to sleep, I remembered a friend’s advice way back when, on a similar occasion.

Have you tried praying for it?

And yes, definitely will.

I saw a Tanuki today!!

I was happily ruminating on my way home. Reflecting how the day started with two big problems at work; where one could possibly cost us hundreds of thousands, if not a million, dollars, and the other a safety issue. How one ended with me finding a possible cost down effort that will have a bigger impact instead of the initial (deemed) cost increase (much smaller). And how the other one ended with different disciplines agreeing (with much satisfaction) to my proposed solution.

It was a day to be thankful for.

Then, just as I was approaching the back entrance of our condo, I saw in the dark the cutest fur animal I’ve ever seen in my entire life. It stood there frozen, looking at me quizzically, yet somehow also looking at me as if encouraging me to move forward. Its big black round eyes was looking at me curiously. Big round belly. Huge furry tale. Looking at me deeply, so much so that I still feel its stare up to now.

Then it dawned on me that I was seeing in flesh the famed lucky tanuki (raccoon dog) The type so cute the photos I’ve seen doesn’t do it justice. I’m seeing a lucky charm tanuki!

When I realised my good fortune, I flicked open the flap of my phone. Dang. It darted away so fast, faster than I could say “wait”.

The encounter was so overwhelming I’m claiming the good fortune it is famed to bring! 😂🤣😅

Beauty and Terror

Watched Taika Waikiki’s Jojo Rabbit while ironing (thank goodness for Company anniversary holiday!). Loved it.

And I’ll take this with me.

Let everything happen to you. Beauty and Terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.

– Rainer Maria Rilke

Churchill

Whenever you doubt yourself to take on an immense task, thinking your current life must be excellent first before you take on another great role, think of Churchill. How despite having an immense personal debt, and an erring & troublemaker child, he did not doubt himself in assuming the role of the British Prime Minister, at a time when war was raging.

Not all of us are Churchills of course. But who knows, you could be better.