After the golden week, you’ve been gushing about how in a few days you’ll be receiving eggs. Silkworm eggs that you’ll be taking care of. Fast forward a couple of weeks and they’ve grown. You’ve been heralding us of your silkworms’ antics and how the two seems to have different personalities. And yes, they have names: Shiro and Kumo; and that you can tell them apart because of the little black marks on their body.
And then, for over a week, you’ve been praying for a sunny Friday; apparently they could die in the rain hence you can only bring them home when that Friday is a sunny day. Told you I’ll pray in turn for a rainy day.
But your prayers were heard.
Thankfully they need to be housed in a closed box with some holes on, I wouldn’t be seeing them always. I feel like shrieking whenever I see them, my heart feels like it’s being squeezed.
Come Friday night however, my heart is being “squeezed” by an altogether different matter: your thanksgiving prayer.
After your evening prayers and you getting tucked in for the night, you suddenly bounced up, positioned yourself in prayer, and with sincerity in your voice, you prayed with gratitude on how your prayers were answered. And that you look forward from now for more answered prayers.
Such faith. Such gratitude. My work is done. Love you baby.
You showed me your crafts book and told me you’re required to bring clear plastics trash bag the following day. This is at 11:50pm.
We searched frantically since our trash bag is the milky type. We have a clear one but it’s such a huge huge bag; perhaps, as tall as I am. We tried to unroll it first time, then looked around again. When we couldn’t find a clear plastic, we went back to the huge bag. And stared at it.
Then, eyes twinkling I could almost see the light bulb, you said: let’s cut a small portion, and then I can tape shut one edge.
Gasp. Such problem solving skills! Why didn’t I think of that. Awestruck.
Yui already maxed out her screen time for the day (one hour for programming-related, another one hour for any video-related, and time limit for late night iPad time in which she can’t access anything, even google/safari) but I still have not finished my chores. She also read at least three books for the day already and she wasn’t in the mood to read anymore. So, she took out her colouring pencils, and created this.
Asked her if she copied them somewhere, to which she answered no, they are her “originals”. 🥰😍
Of course the strokes need quite some refinement, but it’s the creativity that I appreciate. And even more so, that she can entertain herself while waiting for me.
I was trying to finish off a task before leaving the office for the weekend when a senior colleague dropped by to ask me how I was. I have so many conflicting issues nowadays that I shook my head to say, no, not really fine. Then he asked how my daughter was. I snapped. But I know he is such a kind person so I had that very difficult feeling of trying to explain why I find it discriminating (he’s also a father, why is he still in the office?!?) while saying sorry.
I felt guilty for snapping at him when I know he had good intentions but I also am annoyed at him because now I also feel guilty with Yui.
And so this evening, while tucking Yui in the bed, I sat down by her bedside and looked at her in the eye:
Me: is it ok with you that I work late?
Yui: Yes!! I understand (with much enthusiasm)
I hugged her and said thank you and that I love her so much.
Yui: I understand Mommy have to take care of kodomo (children), work, cooking. Doing laundry, cleaning……
With how she arranged it, I am confident she knows she’s my top priority.
I had to sit with you during your math drills. I’m not teaching. I’m doing something else while sitting beside you, just to ensure that you sit down to do your maths.
Yes, you need to work on it. You actually already understood how to do your additions and subtractions but that you just couldn’t seem to focus in the same way that you focus with programming, reading, writing kanji, drawing. And you tend to procrastinate before working on your math assignments. I know where your talent lies, and what your interests are. But you’re learning basic math now and we have to work on this.
You seem so disinterested with the subject it’s typical to find doodles like this on your math books.
I support you with your passions baby, but I also need to support you in improving yourself. Lest you third grade teacher will speak with Mom again about your Math 😝
But I believe in you, baby! You’ll soon be a master of this! 🙂
We were having your math drills. You’re several chapters ahead of your programming classmates who are a couple of years older than you are; you’re excellent in multiplication, and in measuring and conversions. But for some reason, you’re still struggling with addition and subtraction. And so we were working on it; and I must add that you really are putting effort on it, which is what matters.
You were so focused that for some reason, you got your feet and lower legs inside this. Yes, both of them. And you can’t get them out.
At first you were cool with it and I thought you were just bluffing. But when you were already twisting and turning yet still can’t get your legs out of the contraption, we both got concerned. And we both panicked.
I tried to gently put you and the chair sideways thinking that might help you, but it didn’t. So I carried you (and the chair) upright again. At first I tried to instruct you how to move your feet, then I tried to gently guide your feet out, but it didn’t work. I had to will myself to not touch you because I was afraid I’d panic and pull your feet out by force which will definitely hurt you.
Trying to calm my own voice, I reminded you to calm down, take deep breaths, to clear your head. You were able to get your feet inside so that means you can take them out. Calm down, take deep breaths, and think.
Like a pro, you immediate made several Lamaze breaths. Deep breathe in, exhale out. You did six cycles. And like magic, you were able to untangle your legs. Before I could hug you, you stood up, corrected your chair, flipped your hair, and picked up your pencil to continue your drill. I counted to five (I was thinking that I should be worried if you just carry on as if nothing happened). My counting didn’t reach five. At four, you broke into tears and bawled over to me. I let you cry in my arms. At some point you looked up and with a laugh pointed to me that my shirt is full of tears and snot. I said it doesn’t matter. Just cry on. And you did. After crying your heart out, you looked up to me, eyes still full of tears, but with laughter all over your face, whilst saying, “I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life stuck in this chair!”
That definitely cracked us and gave us a good laugh. We imagined scenarios of how you could have had spent the rest of your life in that chair and how we’d have to carry you (and the chair) around to school and to after-school. And that you’ll play soccer with the chair. You added you can be the goalkeeper because you can’t run.
I am thankful that you were able to get yourself out of getting stuck. But what I was more thankful was that it gave me an opportunity to share with you how calming yourself down could help you resolve tricky situations; how going panicky will not help things; how having a clear mind could help you think of solutions to your predicament; how taking deep breaths could help you clear your mind. You asked me if deep breathing could also help you calm you down when you’re trying to make friends. And I said it could. Deep breaths couldn’t really stop all the heart pumping, but at least it could calm you down a little. I appreciate as well how you capped our predicament with laughter.
